All I can do is Walk Away

Autism

Some things are extremely hard to take lightly. Especially when it comes to dealing with people who are constantly bugging you about what THEY believe to be the solution to your child’s problems. I try to refrain from explaining everything in detail about her struggles and the issues that we are constantly battling but sometimes even if I do explain, it seems like it’s never enough to the non believers or the in denial ones.
If I had any option to opt out of believing that Harmonee needed all these extra resources and interventions, I would have took that route long before allowing all of this to come into my lifestyle and completely change my routine and the way I looked at my present AND my future. I would probably still be going to school physically and full-time. I would actually still be faithfully going to work 30-40 hours a week instead of being a stay at home mom. I would use the extra energy I surprisingly get out of no where random days out the week to go to the gym and work on losing weight all over again. But instead, I willingly allowed therapists and other professionals to become a weekly part of our lives. Instead, I chose to do graduate school part time online which slows down the graduating process and getting my physical experience and moving on with my career goals. Instead, I use my extra energy to wash clothes, wash hair, clean rooms, go grocery shopping. Then you look at those things and say to yourself, “well those are things that are suppose to be done”, but sometimes those things are dreadfully delayed because everything else in your life is so mentally and emotionally draining that your physical energy just starts to fall short. I chose to be led by multiple people on how to help figure out what works best for Harmonee in communication and to be able to cope with situations that may make her feel uncomfortable and to help prevent her frustration. And when it all comes down to frustration, I choose not to do things that will require me to leave my kids with others because I know that my ASD child can’t communicate what she needs or wants 90% of the time and frustration, screaming and crying always seems to be her only form of reaction to misunderstandings. Not to mention I have a 9 month old who is still not talking of course and emotions are like a chain reaction with both of them. I choose not to allow their frustrations to become other people’s frustrations because I have felt it every single day and as strong as I may seem to a lot of people, I have my weak moments as well. I have had countless days when I just couldn’t take the screaming and crying and my only option was to cry myself. So when people try to incorporate their suggestions as if I haven’t already tried them many times before and like I don’t know what I’m doing with my children, it really gets under my skin. It’s one thing to underestimate me as a person, but to underestimate me as a mother is a whole different type of judgement and I will not tolerate it. I don’t know ANYONE who actually WANTS to claim that their loved one or child has a disorder that affects the way they function on a daily basis. I never imagined it, but it was God’s plan and here I am trying my best to figure it all out, because I’m still learning everyday. Every day is something new, something to be proud of or something to be concerned about. Every part of my life has basically been customized to fit the needs of my special child and what ever it takes to make sure she doesn’t fall too far behind in her development, I will take that risk. So when I deal with people who have yet to spend a day in my shoes,not theirs with the children they are raising, my shoes, with my children, it’s just best for me to walk away.

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